Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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