i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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