my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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