yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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