Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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