I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
