mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
