the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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