Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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