It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
