The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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