He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
