thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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