I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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