Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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