Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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