i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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