i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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