if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
