Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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