Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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