i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
