You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
