I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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