The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
