Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
