At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
