He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
