I need help removing her.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
