Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
