Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
