i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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