Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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