I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
