the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
