He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
