Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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