I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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