saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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