sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
