i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
