I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
