I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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