This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
