I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
