Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
