This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you inspire me to be a worse person
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
