What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
