we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
