just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
