She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
