k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're too hungover to prance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
