what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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