i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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