I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
