Will you blow on my dice?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
