Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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