susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
