i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
