Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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