is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
