"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
