its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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