I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
