Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
