just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
