just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
