So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
