We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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