You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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