pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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