She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
