I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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