We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
