Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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