I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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